The side-effects of Avada Kedavra.
by Spunkz the wacked out Spaz
Summary: Avada Kedavra has some strange side effects. Resulting in some rather amusing consequences. R/R, please!


Remus Lupin and Sirius Black are in a cave, beating the crap out of the fatass Pettigrew. Voldie (Voldemort) comes in and tries to teach them a lesson.  
  
  
  
"Avada Kedavra!" shouted Voldie, just as Sirius moved out of the line of fire. Peter died instantly. Remus fell flat on his ass and muttered  
  
"Shindy." Before passing out. Sirius proceeded to shout:  
  
"Take this, all you motherfuckers out there!" flashing the two fingers and walking headlong into the wall as he did so. Voldie wondered if he had gone insane. Or maybe it was a dream. Yeah, that was it.  
  
'I've gone mad!' he thought, as Sirius tripped over Peter's body.  
  
"Damn your yellow butt, you gay freak!" yelled Sirius in some sort of drunken stupor. He tripped over Peter again and swallowed a fly that was just cruising along, minding it's own business.  
  
'Umm, I need to do something evil!' Thought Voldie desperately as Sirius started dancing the Can-Can on Peter's body, then passed out and landed on Remus.  
  
"Ennervate!" yelled Voldie. The two madasses got up and promptly…tripped over Peter.  
  
"WILL SOMEONE PLEASE MOVE THIS DAMN BASTARD'S BODY OUT OF THE FUCKING WAY? Yelled Sirius.  
  
Remus fell flat on his ass again, muttered 'Shindy' again and tried to bite a rather large rock, cracking his teeth in the progress. Suddenly, Lockhart turned up and flashed a toothy grin.  
  
"I hate your crap books, before you ask me!" Avada Keshindy!" yelled Sirius, but to no avail. For one, the spell didn't exist, for another, Lockhart was already mad, so it wouldn't affect him. Voldie, however, started cackling eerily and muttering about how he was going to murder the Whomping Willow.  
  
The Durselys walked calmly in and stared at the foursome.  
  
"Are you Sirius Black?" asked Vernon.  
  
"Yes, and that's my final answer, Chris Tarrant!" said a now – deranged Sirius. Vernon exploded and Dudley covered his butt with his hands. Remus, who was now standing, slipped on a bit of Vernon – gut and fell flat on his ass. No, he didn't say Shindy, he said 'ouch.'  
  
Dumbledore walked in, eyes twinkling.  
  
"Ooooh! Stars in their eyes!" grinned Lockhart.  
  
"Oh, shut your overlarge excuse for a mouth, you! Avada Kedavra!" cried Voldie. Lockhart fell dead and Dumbledore, Petunia and Dudley started making out in a corner.  
  
"STOP LOOKING AT THEM, YOU PERVERTED FREAK!" yelled Sirius, launching himself at Voldie.  
  
"Jingle spells, jingle spells, jingle all the way…" sang Remus. Ludo Bagman apparated next to them and Hermione Granger stormed in.  
  
"How many times do I have to tell you? You cannot apparate or disapparate inside this cave!" then, feeling rather sheepish, she walked over to Voldie and said: "I love you and I want to have your babies!"  
  
Suddenly, and quite strangely, Cedric Diggory and Professor Quirrell walked in, talking animatedly. Voldie yelled 'Avada Kedavra' to kill Hermione, and Cedric jumped on Quirrell, screaming.  
  
"Get away from me, you spasticated garlic – addict!" Quirrell tried to grab Cedric, but…  
  
"OWOWOOW! MY HANDS! WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON?"  
  
"Barbecue time!" giggled Dudley insanely, and then he dropped dead, for no apparent reason.  
  
Remus, who was now staggering round clutching his head, tripped over Cedric and Quirrell, and, amidst the confusion, Dumbledore started using Dudley's fat corpse as a bouncy castle. Remus' ass hurt a bit TOO MUCH now, so he grabbed Cedric and sat on him, suffocating him. He led Quirrell to a quiet corner and strangled him with his own turban.  
  
"Hey, Dumbass!" sneered Sirius.  
  
"Same back, Shitface!" yelled Remus, and the two engaged in a rather violent wrestling competition. Which was odd, because they were best friends.  
  
"1,000 Galleons on the werewolf!" said Petunia.  
  
"Damn your ass, Petunia, I hope it explodes!" yelled Sirius. Which it did. Now, with dead bodies, Vernon – guts and Petunia – ass everywhere, it wasn't a pretty scene. Voldie threw up on Quirrell's corpse. Quirrell's corpse looked appalled then stood up and punched Voldie hard in the face and lay down again. Voldie was shocked, to say the least.  
  
"Hello, all." Cornelius Fudge and the two Bartemius Crouches walked in. Five minutes later, two Fudges and a Barty Crouch strolled out of the madhouse.  
  
A dementor glided in, and everyone collapsed into fits of hysterical laughter. The dementor looked annoyed. Understandable. Even more so when something stabbed it in the back. It grabbed the knife and threw it. It hit…Quirrell's corpse. Quirrell got up, punched the dementor hard in the face and swiftly wrote: R.I.P, I-forgot-my-first-name Quirrell. DO NOT DISTURB!!! Before lying down again. The dementor staggered backwards and wasn't seen again. Snape appeared.  
  
"It seems you are all suffering from the side – effects of the killing curse!" he explained.  
  
"What, Avada Kedavra?" asked Voldie stupidly. The curse hit Quirrell's body. Boy, was he having a bad day! He got up, picked up Voldie and slammed him hard against the wall. He advanced on Snape with a comb and brushed his hair. Snape was NOT a happy chappie. He was just about to take his anger out on the fat lady, who had left her painting for a stroll, when in came a mousetrap with a little yello thing riding it.  
  
"Pikachu." Said the little yellow thing.  
  
"Aaaaaaaaaargh!" screamed everybody who was still alive. The mousetrap and the little yellow thing that says Pikachu fled, and everyone became surprisingly sober, surprisingly quickly.  
  
"I think we should block this place up as a mass burial." Said Dumbledore.  
  
They agreed  
  
  
  
*************** 1 year, 3 months and 11 days later…***************  
  
  
  
Quirrell's corpse was banging the cave blockage in frustration. There were decomposing bodies all around him.  
  
"Help! Help, Lemme ou! I'm innocent! I'm dead innocent! Honestly!!!" he shouted. Dumbledore listened on the other side of the boulder and chuckled as he remembered the events of that fateful Saturday, 1 year, 3 months and 11 days ago.  
  
  
  
The End 


End file.
